The Carnival

Dear Reader,

I got to take a little trip last week to the zoo. Well actually the zoo itself has long been abandoned of animals so I guess it was more like a carnival or amusement park. Welcome to Camp Victory, Baghdad. I'm so used to the deserty north of Speicher that Victoy was like paradise. I had some meetings in this beautiful palace (photo not taken by me) and I could not get over how ridiculously massive and even beautiful it was. Here is also a picture of the interior (also not taken by me). The chandelier there is no joke the size of my CHU. You can also get a nice view from
those balconies there and wow if you look out the back off the balconies that overlook the lake you can see a bunch of other smaller island palaces scattered around the lake. Apparently that's where Saddam used to keep his closest cronies. Now I don't normally associate palaces with carnivals but there's a lot more to the trip than a palace.

So, we stepped off the helicopter and were immediately stunned by all the noises, lights, and people buzzing around. On our way to lodging there were women walking around everywhere! Many of them were civilian contractors so to see a ratio of about 3:1 male to female with many wearing civilian clothes, it almost seemed like we were back in the USA! See, we're used to more like a 50:1 ratio mostly wearing uniforms. The next morning, we walked over to what was basically a Starbucks, (called Green Beans), on the base and we passed by a circuss tent in which a band was rehearsing. They even had a banner and some posters outside advertising upcoming concerts. I wondered, "seriously, where am I?" After we got our mochas and frappes we passed by a massive pigeon roost. Sadly nobody was taking care of the pigeons so they left the roost to inhabit holes in nearby buildings. The roost just looked like a monument towering there for tourists to pass by and take pictures of. Ok so here's my favorite part; my interpreter and I were riding in the van to an Iraqi restaurant that he claimed was far better than anything I've had up north. The driver turned on the radio and here's roughly what we got:
Female radio host: "hey Hey HEY! It's Jihad Jordan here with the latest and greatest hits for YOU! Up next, and you will NOT want to miss this, I'm gonna tell you WHERE TO BE tomorrow night for OW OW! let's hear it! HALLOWEEEEN! That's right! BAGHDAD IS THE PLACE TO BE this year for Halloween and I'm gonna tell you where all the BEST PARTIES are gonna be and you do NOT want to miss out!"
I was really beginning to think I was dreaming all of this. Sadly we arrived at our destination before I could learn where all the hopping parties were going to be in Baghdad for Halloween, but I already had a lot on my plate for Halloween anyway and wouldn't be able to attend. I mean, it's not like I'm deployed to a combat zone or anything...

In other news, Naughty By Nature is coming tomorrow so we're not allowed to wear civilian clothes (I know, it doesn't make sense), so get down with O.P.P.-- yeah you know me!

Chicken Knows Best

Dear Reader,

I must apologize, I've been holding out on you for some time now. The secret most priceless perk of the military is AFN (Armed Forces Network). It has by far the most hilarious commercials in the world. The least of them is Super Bowl worthy. All of them are also very educational! For example, today during breaks for Jeopardy, a little computer-animated chameleon explained the importance of wearing a helmet while bicycling. Some dogs and cats taught me a little bit about how the Army JAG corps (lawyers) can help me out of a fix. Some babies with creepy adult voices talked about travel expenses, and an Air Force fellow danced for making the right decision, (to wear his reflector belt while going outside at night, obviously). Let's not even get into all the different unit ads trying to compete in being the baddest unit on AFN TV. There's a good amount of night vision, judo moves, and quick turning heads (to look like you're 'alert'). I guess the best way to describe them is that they're so bad that they're amazing. Anyway, I could probably set an entire blog aside completely devoted to an AFN commercial each day, but that would be a lot of work. I know there are a few on youtube so check them out; they'll change your life and maybe even save your life (if you're considering huffing, suicide, DUI, not locking your door at night, or not wearing your reflector belt). You absolutely have to see the Huffing one!

In other news, I think the Demon Wolves are pulling back a bit during this heat spell. We're over 100 degrees at daytime again! It makes sense that they're drawing down because they're already covered in fiery fur and I can see how hot fiery fur plus hot deserty sun may equal too much heat to handle. At least we've recovered some of our Class I supplies, (but not the Gatorade Nutrition shakes to my chagrin).

I've been pretty busy lately with trying to help get some interpreters US citizenship. It's been very educational to see how the whole process works, especially in terms of the conflict. I also really enjoy it. Oh! If you're single and you want to get married maybe you can help me out with the process! Heh kidding, not even sure if that's legal on my part.

Ok that's all for now.

New Threat

Dear Reader,

Just as we began to think the war in Iraq was finishing up and the President weighs sending more troops to Afghanistan, a new, much more sinister threat has risen. The last dust storm brought with it a wave of Demon Wolves and they are much more deadly than I expected. They already wiped out the Class I building, (which stores extremely important life-sustaining supplies such as Doritos and Gatorade), and I think their next target will be the latrine. Our weapons are useless against them. My interpreter and I cornered one once but he couldn't interpret anything except for some demonic snarls. He just got frustrated and threw rocks at it until it dissappeared.

Other than that things are going well here. It's starting to get cooler (80's to mid 90's), and even pretty nippy at night. I finally got out of the base and saw some of the countryside. It was kind of sad to see how violence is a way of life here. There are barbed wire, barriers, and checkpoints all over the place. Nevertheless everyone is out and about conducting their daily business. Though, I suppose you can't expect any better for a country torn apart by a war and sectarian violence.

I also had a few great opportunities to practice my Arabic and I completely bombed all of them. I tried to learn some food names at an Iraqi restaurant and everyone just ended up laughing at me, then I tried to get a screwdriver from an Iraqi without my interpreter and after a crazy dance and a bunch a gestures I got him to bring me a wrench. The worst was when I asked an American soldier a question and he replied with "3" in Arabic, which I've definitely learned before, and I didn't have a clue what he was saying. One of the interpreters called me out on not practicing my Rosetta Stone enough. He was right, I've only done an hour over the last two weeks. Busted.

Rain and Fire(ing)

Dear Reader,

I apologize for the delay. I had the coming soon notice to show my sister that I haven't quit the blog. The delay is due to a rapid influx of events in my otherwise dry and desolate experience here. I will only blog about two/three of them for now and probably the others later when I don't have much else to talk about.

1. Rain - It rained for the first time last week! It was awesome. I sat in bed and listened to it and the whole time I thought about going outside to see it but I never did. It was kind of a mixture of laziness and preserving the enjoyment that kept me inside. Next time I'll probably go outside and see it for myself. The following day was so refreshing and cool. It almost felt like home for a second.

2. Fire - The Dr. for the interpreters went to Paul Smith's College in the Adirondacks! We got along instantly because I'm very familiar with Paul Smith's as LaVida uses their canoe point and I've had a few adventures there. One thing led to another and we started talking about cigars somehow and then he gave me one he'd just ordered. It didn't have a band and he said it was from Drew Estate which supposedly has flavored humidors in which the cigars just sit and absorb the flavor. Anyway, I'm not much of a smoker, but it was the best cigar I've ever had. Take a look at them on cigarbid.com. You can get the good ones for cheap by ordering the rejects. They are the same quality except for some minor aesthetic deficiencies.

3. Firing - The highlite of my week thus far was firing an individual. I know most people dread firing someone unless if they hate them and I don't really hate anybody so I understand that this isn't normal. I will explain. One of the interpreters was not working out for his team. There was no place else to send him and he had to be replaced. I had no choice but to release him. As we were driving over to the office to finish off the paperwork I was able to ask him some questions. I could see that he was very upset about losing his job, but he was still open to conversation. The cool thing about it was that I could empathize with him pretty well and even without having experienced anything like him, I could see where he was coming from. I saw that he needed some positive reinforcement and that he didn't really understand why he had to go. This allowed me to provide him with some tips of how to do better next time and encourage him to not give up. He was very receptive to this and realized that I wasn't a bad guy. By the time he was leaving he was thanking me for all of my help! This was by far the most rewarding experience I've had here thus far. It's a wonder what a little care and kindness can do for a crappy situation. This is especially convenient because I've always wondered what I'm going to do with my life and now I think I could be good in human resources. It's at least something to look into.

There you are, some good length to make up for the delay.

Peace!

Happy Labor Day / Big Mistake

Dear Reader,

Happy labor day. NOT! Haha, there's no Labor Day in Iraq. It was another 12-hour work day. Though, I suppose in a way it was still a celebrated holiday here, ableit unconventionally. In fact, it was probably one of my favorite days here so far. First, I woke up at 0630 to run, but I ended up going back to sleep until around 0930. When I got up and went outside to go to the shower CHU, I noticed it was not as hot as usual and although it was still blindingly bright, I also noticed a slightly dimmer tint. There were clouds! Yes, I saw my first clouds in Iraq today; it took two months. They were nice light wispy clouds as shown above. Second, I went to lunch and passed by a normal crappy looking lunch line with normal crappy cafeteria dry meat and stewy veggies. I didn't think much of it until suddenly I stumbled upon a carver! He was carving out massive slices of prime rib! It was not only the biggest prime rib I've ever eaten, but also the most delicious. I was very impressed. There was also a cake which said 'Happy Labor Day' and patriotic streamers strewn all over the ceiling. I think if I had seen the cake before the prime rib I would have been pissed, but since I saw it after the prime rib I thought it was a very happy labor day afterall!

The big mistake.

I posted the wrong address below and on facebook! I realized this after a facebook chat with a friend who was wondering why it was taking so long for a letter to arrive. I put that address up too early before I got my final address and never updated it! Agh, the blunder! the anguish! No worries though, I've still been getting some mail from Mom, the Army, and a few online orders. I'd love to get your letters and I'm sorry for the trouble. I know it takes me like a week to write a good letter and the thought of it never arriving makes such effort seem pointless. I updated the address below and the address on facebook. I'll put the correct address here again for good measure.

John Bradley
LSA 100, COB SPEICHER
APOAE 09393

Anyway, I hope you all had a terrific labor day, even if you didn't get prime rib.

Sincerely,

Veteran

Dear Reader,

So as of Saturday, I am officially a Veteran. This isn't exactly what I had in mind when as a small child I thought of one day being a veteran. I guess you normally wouldn't think of an Army war veteran as somebody who spends their day working at a computer and heading out to meetings. The only enemy fire I ever take is someone drilling me about my powerpoint slides-- and even that could be far worse in the safest US workplace. I suppose some people are relieved by this, but I have to confess I'm fairly dissappointed. It just seems that I could be doing the exact same thing I do here back home. Still, there is something cool about being deployed and I am still proud to be a veteran. It's good to know that although I'm not patrolling the streets of Baghdad, I'm still contributing my time and effort, albeit on powerpoint, word, and excel. Now I have a cool new medal to wear on my dress uniform and I can wear a combat patch beneath my right shoulder.

Floss and Foxes

Dear Reader,

It is very boring in the desert. It's so boring that everything else is interesting. I think it's so boring that its boringness itself even is sort of interesting. Here are some small things that have made life a little more interesting. After all, it's all a matter of perspective, so here's a shot:

Here's for my sister, I woke up early in the morning to go to the bathroom. On the way back, some desert foxes came out and were playing as I walked by. They hardly noticed me until I was right near them. I've also seen small lizards, birds, and bats. That's about all the wildlife out here, except for maybe some kind of scrubby bush once in a while. Rumor has it there's a tree somewhere on this base.

I got free floss in Kuwait and made it a habit to floss every night. Some of you may know that I've never been a good flosser. Well, one thing this place has done for me is get me into the habit of a nightly floss before brushing (always floss before brushing). However, worst part of the week was when I ran out of floss! Fortunately, I found another free floss box in a goodie package; it was the last one. Anyway, I'm pretty proud of my new accomplishment, and my new supply.

Another sad thing happened this last week; they kicked me off my desk! I now kind of float around from desk to desk, but at least I have my stapler... Supposedly we're building a new 'workstation' for me so I can run some kind of program. Supposedly some guy will come and act like a private tutor for this program. More on that to follow.

Updates: Mail's back up, please contine sending letters. Someone stole our portal potties (btw, 'portal' is the correct term because it explains their transforming abilities and how they temporarily take you to another world, like mini rocket ships). We're out of Gatorade nutrition shakes until Friday.

That's all for now.